


Songs of Griefs

by Sleep_walker



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Feels, Dementia, Five Stages of Grief, Hamilton References, Other, Past Child Abuse, mention died character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28666749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleep_walker/pseuds/Sleep_walker
Summary: There are moments that the words don't reach, the moments when you're in so deep it feels easier to just swim down. There's suffering too terrible to name. All You want is to hold your beloved as tight as you can, then try to live with the unimaginable.Ficlets about the ones who left away and left to live their life.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë, Levi/Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë, Levi/Petra Ral, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Moblit Berner & Hange Zoë, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias, Original Character(s) & Gunther Schultz, Sasha Blouse/Jean Kirstein/Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse/Niccolo
Kudos: 15





	Songs of Griefs

**Author's Note:**

> —We have no control, who live, who die, who tell your story  
> Hamilton, 2015 .

**Denial**

Those Scouting Operation has long gone. Another operations that cost more than what they get. An unfair exchange. Hundreds of lives just for a piece of information. But that how’s life going, because in truth, humans will always sacrifice anything for the sake of peeking and changing destiny.

Far away in an old house inside Sina's wall. Even though what they were waiting for would never came back again, the husband and wife are still there. Still loyal in their den. Live and stay together in solemn. Spending dawn to dusk in the same rhythm.

The wife was always the same, still stirring the soup everyday. Soup that will always be warm when the son comes home. However, the son would never come home. The husband was still swaying in the cradle chair. His eyes, which had lost their sharpness, were only lit by a sad shade, took a glance at the horizon, the direction from which his son would come. But the faint smile was still the same. The smile that will always be proud welcomes his dearest son home. However, the son would never come home.

At the end of the day, the same question would be asked.

"Sheila, when will Gunther be home?"

"Soon."

The husband nodded, then gazed back at the scarlet blooded -twilight. Back into the waiting moment that would not ended until they met death itself. Until he could embrace his son again.

They will wait for it.

.

**Anger**

This young man did not know how to stop his steps in liberation, revenge and agony. In his fury exclamation, there’s wounds would never be healed. The gaping wound left after lost his life and childhood. His grudge against the titan would never paid off, to the same titan who had devoured his mother. His hatred resurfaced when the Demon swallowed up another remaining person from his childhood, Hannes.

He didn't realize The glimpse of the incident hereafter, it’s out of his control. That was all pure reflex movements arising from his dander. Mikasa eyes were glazed by tears, gratefully thanking of him to take Eren back to his sense. Too late, Eren was at his wits end. He stepped to face the darn titan with his bare hands. Hands clenched together as a fist, electric waves creeping up, all the descendants of demons at the same time experienced a goosebumping blow, which could even make a titan shifter who buried herself in a crystal far away got her heart beat faster.

The message delivered is clear. Wrath that were funelled lucidly.

Erupting the Raging Vexation,

To the unknown titan, titan whose his childhood taken away,

He ordain to another gigantic human beast, _"EAT. THIS. TITAN. NOW!! DEVOUR HER, CHEW THE WHOLE MEAT IN THOSE ROTTER BODY, DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING. LIKE THIS SCOUNDREL WRENCH THAT SAVES NOTHING FOR ME. NOW."_

Rumbles, screams, and the sound of flesh and bones clashing from the feasting titans. Everyone gasped. Silently watching the devoured titan keep smiling in silent screams. The instructor also smiled, a smile that did not reach his eyes. The cold gaze that still kept the fire as if in husks witnessed the brutality silently, but his mind exclaimed.

_'For my mother and Hannes ! I hope you stab with eternal pain , stupendous Satan! '_

.

**Depression**   


_"After all this is over, there's only you and me, Fruity Girl ." The hoarse voice in the floating tune always made Nanaba want to hear it again and again._

_"Huh?"_

_"We'll talk after we finish all this." Mike said then grabbed Nanaba’s hand and rubbed his magic nose against Nanaba's crown. As if kept Nanaba's Distinctive scent to himself._

Those All of the moments were gone. Promises buried, lost traces like the master of promise whom not return forever. Now, there’s only hollow that enforcing Nanaba stood in this place. Remaining her determination as the last leader of this rescue squad. But her heart whispered a hush for a moment. Hopeless.

_‘ And only when you exist, Goddess. Let me go from this hell to be with him, even though there is just another hell, I’ll give everything to see him again. Even my life. '_

Nanaba stood od the rim of the castle tower, she swallowed all of her feelings as a bitter pill, braced herself trough the misery she would facing into. She winked, preventing her tears glands from destroying her entire stance. She dployed All of her souls, all the ability she had, still wasn’t enough to match the mighty strength of that group of giant demons. Again for the victory of mankind, he raised his weapon. But alas, the difference in strength and destiny still makes all these heroic acts end shortly thereafter. The blow that finished off his two comrades as the roar of the beast titan made her momentarily stunned.

" What can we do now, Nanaba ? Your gas is running low, this castle won't last long, I just wanted to drunk it and it's all over. Let's get this over with. "

Nanaba turned to one of her comrades , " Gelgar-wh-what do you mean—"

Gelgar only pointed behind Nanaba, which Nanaba saw as if making her heart fall into the stomach. A group of titans stared hungry at the two delicious humans. Only despair arose as she determined her heart.

Two people with the rest of their strength facing this human eater. The moment of the ensuing massacre happened so fast, the new recruits just stared in horror, Gelgar died, and Nanaba was now torn apart by the titans who was fighting over her like a roast chicken. Nothing remains of her soul.

Lost her mind at the end of his life. Loudly Raved. About her father who constantly beating her. About her regret for the whole team that died before her. And a cry of distraught.

.

**Bargaining**

Caffeine vapor drifted slowly from above Maria's wall at the base of Shigashina. The figure sipped his coffee while stared at the ravaged district . The cleaning operation has ended. It left a titanic stench that heated up and evaporated quickly.

Finally they had enough time to properly buried those who died. Everyone, including the commander who died without completing his life's desire for truth. The truth that led them to the overwhelming task they have to go after this.

"You are here, Levi ~ ."

Levi turned his head and found the Hanji’s figure who was now walking unsteadily towards him. He could see a dark bottle that seemed like she had been drinking since a while. As soon as the undefined creature was on the side of Levi, she immediately sat down in the empty place beside the captain midget.

Hanji drank the drink for a moment, a drop of sweet smelling alcohol escaped her lips. Levi was still watching her, after two sips she turned her head towards the man.

"Where did you get that rum?"

Hanji examined at the bottle label for a moment, “Oh, this cutie? Pixis gave me this after yesterday's Ceremony. He said I would need it after this. " Hanji answered and smiled broadly at Levi, “ You know, everyone has been scrambling to give me this-an-that sermons since then. Even Nile Dok and his wife came to me too. I thought there would be a preachment on etiquette of being respected and responsible commander and other things that would disgust me. But...."

Hanji was stopped from her chatter, lostin her own words. Levi saw that there was a cloud on Hanji's face even though his chatter was full of the non-humanist cheerfulness of her daily typical.

The glasses shook their head quickly. "Never mind, how about some toast?" Levi just frowned in surprise and took a glimpse back and forth to his cup and Hanji.

“Just tonight, let me be a drunkard and you replace your blood with that bitter substance. Only tonight, I promise." She demanded

Levi nodded

"For all of us who got here ?" Hanji casually bribe her bottle into Levi's cup until it clinked then took a sip of rum.

"To everyone who gone after us, Auruo, Erd, Gunther, ..." Hanji fell silent as he saw Levi's face softened for a moment, "For Petra?"

Levi's subtle grin arose, but his eyes became even more frozen, he only tapped the cup. The ceramic clink resounded.

And every name they will remember for every tinkle. Mitabi, Anka, Nifa, or even those closest to Levi, Farlan, Isabel and Kenny.

"For the Moblit?" Said Levi, Hanji nodded,

"For Moblit." Hanji straightened up again after take a bitter gulp.

Levi considered, will this be correct. "...... For Erwin?"

A single tear escaped from Hanji's eye, Her only healthy eye, no more clinking of glass and ceramics, but Hanji just hugged the bottle tightly against her chest. Levi let it be for a moment and he also let Hanji sob softly.

And finally, with trembling hands, she lifted the bottle towards the sky, "For Erwin ..." with a trembling voice he also pronounced the name like a line of wounds that she had to reopen.

But they know. This is the only way to go back and let the wound heal on its own.

.

**Acceptance**

"How are you, Mr. Commander?"

“There's nothing better than staying home and enjoying my wife's cooking every day, but I can't do that. Then how do you think I am, Connie? "

Connie chuckled until his head popped up. Jean chuckled at the antique behavior of his old friend. They then looked back at the cold tomb in front of them. Engraved there was a name, the name of a girl who had walked alongside them. The name of a huntress and jokes about appetite and laughter which never be diminished by time on their minds. Sasha Blouse .

The man with cropped hair spread a mat in front of the headstone. Then he sat down, still smiling softly. If the girl was still here, she would frantically want them to start eating immidiately. Just remembering that, Connie's heart had warmed. Beat the warm of sunshine that now shaded them.

"Show me what Mikasa has cooked, eh?"

"Patience, bald."

"I'm not bald!"

Jean only chuckled briefly then sat down and prepared 3 wide ceramic plates from the simple wicker basket that he brought. He brought out a large meat pie that had been cooling after a while. However, Mrs. Kirstein needs no doubt of her dish, he is sure that the delicacy will not be lost of the taste. And if the girl was still here, the pan would be empty in seconds. The light browned hair man then took out a bouquet of Larkspur and white Lily, the potato girl's favorite flower.

Connie deftly cut Jean's meat pie and the food he brought, Pâté , into 4 pieces, then divides it into the plates Jean has arranged. In silence Jean looked at it all. Not sure what to do as Connie solemnly places a slice of pie and homemade Pâté on a plate in front of Sasha's headstone.

"Well, done," said Connie as he patted his hands removing the crumbs stuck there, "Can we start now, horse?"

Jean was relieved that Connie was still able to grin comicaly. "Your grin is disgusting, now I doubt who is more worthy of being called a horse." Jean gave a brief snort. "Let’s just start from—"

"Hey,"

They turned their heads together. Thinking would faced a sudden threat. Their instincts would always work. Even if they don't have to. The only one standing there just a man who also kept Sasha Blouse in the depths of his soul. The young chef whose heart is hooked by the Blouse girl but will not be able to get it back because the girl has gone to the afterlife.

"Can I join you?" Niccolo hesitantly asked, gazing nervously at the two men glancing at each other while weighing something.

Connie smiled broadly, then shifted his seat, "Please, anyone can join her banquet."

Then, Niccolo sat down, muttering his thanks. He brought out a wide, delicious-smelling cardboard box. Connie was smelling obviously whatever Niccolo was carrying, could only grin again. Niccolo who saw him did not remain silent.

"Seafood Pizza, the newest version." Niccolo smiled gently. Jean then took out an extra plate which was answered by a smile from Niccolo, who immediately divided it into the existing plates.

Three people. Three dishes. Four plates.

After all was divided, a finch perched on top of Sasha's stone tomb. Everyone stared at it, as if feeling the girl's soul in another wild entity. For a moment exchanging glances with each other. Then thought their gratitude to the lunatic Blouse girl who drifted into their lives. From the Platonic to the Romantic.

_"Thank you, for coming to this life ."_

The little bird chirped briefly then flew away to the scarlet dusk. The three of them smiled at the moment. Assuming their message was conveyed with it. Then return to their feast.

Agreed without saying anything about what just happened. They just casually talk about how life has brought them to this day. Jean who is looking forward to the birth of his third child, opened a bottle of wine. Then joke about old story about titanic wine. Connie, who still has to take care of her mother's other form, says he has been able to teach the poor woman the word 'apple'. Niccolo is invited to the central palace to serve their leader, but refuses and only wants to spend his life at Sasha's parents' farm while helping care for the poor children they are housed in. Because only In their eyes, Niccolo found a Sasha herself. And for the sake of all that, the chef will devote himself till the end of his life.

The story continues. Their life continues. Like the seasons that keep changing, the memory of a girl who once filled their days will always remain. In every sprout in spring, in every swish of summer insects, in every leaf that sheds in autumn, and in every snow that hits the earth in winter. In a story line that will be passed down from generation to generation. About a brave huntress whose smile could warm the universe.

.

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> I switch the third and fourth stages to get the flow more warm and comfort.  
> this is the second fic that i write in english and this fandom. It's far from flawless, so don't hesitate to comment and inbox me if you think we could chat about more headcanons.
> 
> bye, then


End file.
